I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think a kid would responsible me up
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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