Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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