Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
