just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
