i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
