Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
