I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
