It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
