omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
