Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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