Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
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