She is in my trunk
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
