I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
