fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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