did you get engaged???
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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