well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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