So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
farters have to be the big spoon...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
