Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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