I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
