Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
