How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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