can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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