Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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