and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
