If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
