I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
