guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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