Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
