I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
