i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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