it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
