im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
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