Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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