sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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