Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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