I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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