Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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