I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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