jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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