Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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