her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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