If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
