I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
