idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
