girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
