I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
