I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Oh god it's open bar.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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