he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
