I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
