When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We had sex on a dog bed..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
