I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
