ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
