I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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