shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
