can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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