im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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