ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
