i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize