everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
