I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
