My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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