dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
