i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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