how can u be prego again
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
