I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
