I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
