Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
