Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
