Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
dude. I can hear the air.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
