and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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