This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
