My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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