oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent