Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.