just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.