i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
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No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
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He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.