seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex