Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
